Customer-Face Selling Technique

Agents unfolding from sales specialists to Consultants. They now give professional advice. YES! Para lang tayong nagsasara ng mga bukas na pores, sumusupil sa mga sebo at nagpapakinis ng mukha.

Basta ang mahalaga, magtagumpay ang kasamaan at mangibabaw ang kalandian! Go Beauty Consultants!

“We also have a special offer for your equipment. It will cover all your receivers, satellite dish and remote controls. We will replace them at no charge. So, would you like to take advantage of our laftam warranty?”  - most improved.

A Source of Inevitable Importance

The Breast Implant, The Kimchi and The Sushi

Mega:

Let's say I have P100 – P200k to invest, what kind of business would you suggest?

[Somebody must have sent about breast implant.]

Mega:

Wag na breast implant. Uso naman androgynous look. 'Yung parang babae na hindi or parang lalaki na hindi. Hehehe

TH:

May mga franchise ng food kiosk sa mga malls. Ex. Nachos King which is 50k per branch or shake beverages etc. You can opt to get 2-3 or 4 kiosks to put everywhere. Or food karinderya near any passenger terminal. Parang bbq-han of sort which won't cost you more than 100k. Or Casa ng mga lalakeng bayaran na marunong manghilot at walang kiyemeng magbigay ng extra service. Ako at si Mamertz ang unang customers mo. Or Female Escort Service. We can ask the help of Ingkang, Hapithots and Ragga for bigtime Korean and Japanese Customers.

Ingkang:

Anoooo? Dun ako sa escort. Expert ako d'yan.

Mega:

Sabi ni R*** Sin**, internet shop daw sa pinapatayong lodging ni papa sa EL Nido. Teka, mas mabenta 'yung escort service proposal mo 'dun. Papatok dahil maraming Koreano at Hapon na turista.

TH:

Aba, e kung maraming turistang Koreano at Hapon, makiki-share ako sa business na ito. Lahat ng Female Escorts ay magdadala ng Kimchi at Sushi, sapilitang ibebenta at automatic charging. Sa akin ang puhunan ng Kimchi at Sushi. Ilalagay ko sa microwaveable para maganda ang presentation. May kinchay sa ibabaw pang garnish.

Visual Re-enactment

2 Loooong Week Escapade

            De'Nicci kissing my Mom. – Her Lola at that.

        Floating Buko Juice, anyone? Crocodile Island

Under The Duvet

Imelda Marcos

“I love shoes” she admitted.

“All my friends call me Imelda. After Imelda Marcos”

‘I was really upset. I had thought I was Imelda. But it transpired that there are lots of us out there and it's better to befriend each other. We're like collectors of rare artefacts. Only an Imelda would murmur, 'I've got a pair of rather special cone-heeled ankle boots that I think you might find interesting.' And only another Imelda wouldn't think she was a total nutter.’

Marian Keyes’s Under the Duvet was hilarious. Like some ‘beachers’ over here – but that’s actually beside the point. I have read the book from cover to cover and the only thing missing is the expected gas pain.  

Segue:

I was always confronted with strong winds during my reading stints. Most of the pages were read here – Lonely Planet Coffee Bar. They put windbreakers to eventually, yeah ofcourse, break the wind. What am I talking about? Now, the only thing you enjoy is the sound of the waves. Your reading and at the same time visualizing  the ocean. Good works for the busy brains you may think.

“Terminal fees a.k.a. one hell of 2 jollibee combo meals”

A 5-minute rain like killing the Joy

And the rest is wild history. A mental re-enactment.

Of Korean, Korea The Likes

I was mistaken for a Korean. Oh-Ah! Dead ka d’yan. He thought I was until I said something tagalog. It’s definitely not my popping eyes. I am loving my hair more and more each day. Who cares about the skin tone, we’re all red here anyways. Speaking of,  there’s alot of Marian Keyes-ish’s Under The Duvet going on here. Someone here, for instance, is walking along the beach with her pointed high heels which I believe can create a hole if you thrust one in your head, whether deliberate or undeliberate. She’s a potential cold suspect if someone dies tonight with that fate. Just the mere sight makes me wonder how painful it is to see someone painstakingly walks on a finest white sands of Bora. That’s the best exercise for your calves, I thought. Well Mom, they are Koreans. And people here seemed to be oblivious to fashion no-no’s and Pinoys are more forgiving than the rest of the crowd. Kanya-kanyang trip lang ‘yan, Ma. Adik sila, pakelam mo?!

Dare To Bare

I like the boxer-type boyleg trunk I am wearing. Oo, swimming trunks . With a slightly toned chest and a slightly visibile adonis belt, I feel so comfortable in almost barely naked, just a piece of cloth on. Yeah, just a piece. What do you expect, a blanket? There’s nothing much to cover anyways. Sorry, Doc Calayan – I am not considering a help yet. While I still consider this black and red stripes running from both sides, no. Even.

We’re moving to BeachComber tomorrow. Wala lang, trip lang. We decided to compare the varieties in accomodation, so far the stay has been the best. The ambience is so beach-y-ish. Of course, it’s Boracay. What Am I talking about! I am particularly describing the views, the scene, the food, the people and the amenities. It pretty much covers everything. The last stop would be in station 2, we heard that there’s a room for Php1,800 for two. The only problem that my parents see is that we don’t want to share rooms. I guess, we’re pretty much raised that way. Kasalan mo ito, Ma!

Embassy, Is this an extension?

Partyphiles are rocking the boat at Mo2. We’re dancing the night off in pieces of clothes. Maui, Sis Leanne and Cousins Diesel and Sheian are wearing their best swimwear. I like Diesel’s snake skin 2-piece halter tank top Lonely Planet. The crowd is getting the vibes except for some who are here just to watch how their babies party. Yes, parents, Uncles and Aunts, I am referring to all of you!  Maui and I got ourselves a Vodka Red Bull, Sheian has Dry Martini but she prefers cherries in it. Sis Leanne and Diesel, - Merlot Red Wine. Bro Nhorvel is dreaming by now with her daughter De’nicci. And the elders? Read: Twinings London English Breakfast Tea.

Duramine???!!!#$%^ watda! Did I just hear that? Did you just ask me? Come on! You don’t mean that. Mukha ba akong adik mongoloid ka! Book a Flight tomorrow, go to Embassy, man!

TH's Having the Oh sooo Long Leave

Thanks to my co-supervisors.

1.

The longest I have been at Sea. More than 16 hours of swinging, swaying and swagging. We chose to travel in this manner. The sign says: SILENCE, First Class Accomodation Area. Everyone was on their deepest of silence except one; "Amft! First class na ba to? Kung makabulwak ang tubig sa gripo para lang sinisipsip ang lahat ng NAWASA sa Maynila. Ahhhh First Class pala ah!"

2.

Negros Navigation. If I don't have something good to say, My mom says shut up.

3.

Dear Diary, I felt oh so comfortable with my skin. Nice, shinny, healthy tan and close to oh so toned bod.  The area is pretty secluded from the rest, there's not much people around to begin with. I suggest, Pearl of the Pacific Resort if you have planned the vacation for 18 months. I personally disagree with the rate of their rooms though, it's kinda too expensive for lean season but the accommodation is fantastic. It's like few feet away from the water. You can even hear the sound of the waves when everything else keeps quiet.

4.

And wi-fi areas are running almost everywhere, too bad I dropped my laptop 2 days before I left, I was frantically looking for a wireless adapter here, but I guess, that's the only thing missing in Boracay, CD-R King.

5.

Currently in Boracay Regency for a Gin Tonic or two. It's 10.30pm of June 16th Monday. I only see few number of people. We're 8 here, 75% of them are waiters. So -is this Boracay in Post-summer escapade? Oh, Darn Bora, you're beginning to bore me!

6.

I haven't done anything much here, and that includes my workout. I haven't had my muscles flexed for the last 4 days. Tomorrow, I am off for a nice snorkeling, island-hopping and some beer drinking with Bro Nhorvel and Sis Leanne. I initially thought to jog but that's going to be hard particulary tomorrow. Schedules are turning hectic.

7.

I got myself a cool, almost tailor-fit billabong surfboard shorts for only $47. Who cares anyways, it's billabong. In Manila, a billabong shorts would cost me pretty much Php700 on top of that minus the fit. Ah-hummmm.

8.

Maui, who is a coffee-lover himself, says that you'd better order two medium size of coffees after the other than one large cup, basically coffee cools down even before you finish it. In other words, you're sipping a cold coffee in windy Boracay. I have sipped 8 since I got here last Friday.

9.

Bimbim's contract has ended. Her mother wishes her to go back to school. We don't have maid after the 30th. Um, Mom? There's a lot walking around here, and they are all english speaking. By the looks of it, we have to negotiate and talk to their foreigner partner. "A, pwidi ka ba iowe gid sa maynela wala kase kame kasama gid sa bahay ih." Sige ma, kausapin mo ma, bisayain mo ng bisayain ma. Sige ma, magkaintindihan kayo niyan ma.

10.

What have you done to Boracay? Whaaaaat? It's not as beautiful as I have kept in my memory 3 years ago. Whaaaaat? Whaaaaaat?

I waited for 32 long minutes for a 29-peso worth of Mc Donald’s Coffee. My 110-peso Americano with 2 brown sugars plus white mocha would only take 3.2 minutes. Watda!

1. Mangilang beses kong ni-roll back and forth, left to right, up and down, manhik-manaog, paroo’t parito ang mga sirang gulong sa 5th floor pero ni-isang kaluluwa walang natinag. Buti pa ang mga “butts” ng mga morning, alam kung saang salumpwet uupo. If they only know that it’s worth a supervisor’s reputation, manginig nga naman sana. Kamusta ka naman? Maayos ba ang pagkakaupo mo d’yan? Mahimbing ba ang pagkakatulog, lola?

2. Cuz Sheian is hosting a dinner thanksgiving tonight. Her sms read something like “Hi relatives, I am throwing a dinner party on Sunday...” Positive, that was relatives with an S. My cousin is now a certified “guru” and she wants to announce that to the whole clan. You’re worth one PSP, fave cuz. Good Job. So proud.

3. The Dinner. Everyone, including Papang, was oozing in amazement about what I have lost. So everyone, including Papang, was asking how I did it, and how I am maintaining it. I said workout, diet, zero soda and swimming atleast once every two weeks. And so everyone, including Papang couldn’t believe it. Papa naman, kung ma-amazement ka parang hindi mo ako anak. Ano ba ako sa bahay, boarder lang?

4. Willie Revillame, is by far, one of the most irritating personalities of Philippine Entertainment Business. I wonder why he became a noontime show host when he eats his words like as if he’s starving for ages. I hardly recognize the words everytime he delivers his “ano raw?” spiels in the show. Not only does he eat his words, he is also one of the biased game masters choosing only those who he thinks are funny, or sad to say, he can malign. The “hep-hep-hurray” segment, in addition, is also one of the most unfair games i’ve seen in Philippine television. They reserve to give the mic to those they think are either beautiful, handsome or funny so they’ll have better chances in going through.

5. The Emo shit hairstyle has taken its toll on me. I got 2 pimples, lost some quarter for the pampaarte products, spent additional minutes shampoo-ing the entire thing, spent a couple more drying before going out. I will have my “Trillanes Look” soon.

6. The Invasion starring Nicole Kidman and David Craig shows the moviegoers that in the future, you’ll get a dose of alien virus just by puking at someone’s face and then you’ll peel-off after sleeping. Hey, that’s Alpha-Hydroxy Acid! Kutis porselana ala Khristine Hermosa.

7. Can someone tell me what happened to the following people I will mention? : Abby Viduya, Lady Lee, Shintaro Valdez, Serena Dalrymple, Malou Barry and Champagne Morales. 

8. “A View From My Kitchen Window,” “A View From My Studio,” “Rideau Canal – An Urban Landscape,” “Hanson Creek” and “DSCN0004” – Rafael De Jesus’s masterpieces. Any one of these please? Hanson Creek however, was donated to an institution already.

9.  While waiting for the food to be served, I grabbed the latest issue of PC Magazine. I noticed only now that cousin Diesel has more PC magazines than ponytails. Imagine that! For a sec there I thought, is she a compu connoiseur Huh? I’ve browsed from cover to cover and stopping at some interesting pages in the course of. Darn it, now I feel like adding 512mb to my Memory DDR2, save for a notebook, Nvidia, LCD and Speakers. P2,300 + P78,000 + P3,550 + P9,999 + P3,400 respectively. PC Mag na lang – P100 lang.

10.  I’m out from work from June 12 – 27. I am cooking my skin under the scorching sun of Boracay. Yes! Yes! I could have thrown my Glutathione capsules straight to the bin instead.

Like your unwanted window pop-ups.

Feeding Time.

1.     Mc Donald's coffee wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I realized that this is a good substitute to my tall Starbucks Cafe Americano with 2 brown sugar and white mocca added. That's Php120.00 compared to Mc Do's Php29.00 regular brewed coffe. 3.5* stars for the price.

So if you want a hot, instant, tastes-like-plastic coffee – Go for Mc Donald's.

2.     By next week,  I will be in my most glorious attempt to be a website design guru. It's an ambitious closed-door, self-help, Frontpage self-tutoring act. While all other people I know [like cousin Sheian] are using Dreamweaver, I will try to learn how website designing is born. Yeah, and it's Frontpage amidst all updated webdesign tools. It's like mastering Lotus 123 and WordPerfect v7. 5* stars for literally closing the door on my restday. And I am turning off my cellphone too.

3.     I just had my 160GB Dual Core Desktop reformatted earlier. It took 2 hours to complete the installation process. Here is the breakdown: 1 hour waiting  for completion. 1 hour watching THE BUZZ.  Reformatting killed all spyware and backdoor trojan files. And now my computer is running using an updated operating system and Windows XP. I don't know exactly what it is called, but it sounded something like: Windows XP Service Pack 2 version 3 with MS Office 2007. Ahem.

5* stars for the CP usage of only 2% at maximum while running 2-3 process simultaneously.

2* stars because Lolit Solis retracted her statement that Sam and Piolo were caught kissing and lips-intertwined in the cool pool waters of Sofitel.

5*stars for the brave and smart move of retracting. Freedom from lawsuit but damage has been done. Whether she or she did not, my 15-year old niece will always remember that her favorite heartthrob Piolo is gay at dadalhin n'ya ang nabigong pagnanasa hanggang sa ikasal, mag-asawa at magkaanak.

4.     I saw Charice Pempengco in Sharon last night. She sang "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston. I think the very first person who sang that song was Dolly Parton. Good thing Simon Cowell doesn't have my mobile number. I would probably hear his famous Brit Blighty.

1.5* stars – Simon Cowell: [in his unsparingly blunt criticims, in english accent ofcourse] "If I knew before hand that I would be hearing such performance, I could've brought my Ipod and listen to Metallica instead. What I heard was an appalling, and a rather movie-like groups of drag fighting and banging with each other in the dim-lit, narrow street of New York past midnight. On a serious note though, in case you didn't find the first comment earnest, the performance was a rather woodstocky-ish, and a clear assassination of the singers who have sung the song incredibly. But let me tell you this, there is something admirable about you and you are very lucky that you were born to your parents, I adore them for withstanding the iritation of hearing you sing from your bathroom, overpowering all the noise that your voice can come across. But the good news is, you can carry a note. But the sad story about it is that singing is more than carrying a note in a blow-your-lungs-till-they-explode in disaster. Singing has science around it. And in your case, Charice, it's not science that surrounds your singing - It's the love of our parents, friends and some form of unexplainable illusions"

Amft, si Charice humahagulgol na sa mga oras na iyon.

5.     Randy Jackson to Charice Pempengco: "Wazzup, dawg! Hey dawg, listen-nup yo! Charice is in the house, yo. Give it up for Charice, dawg! Waz going on, dawg? Hey you, dawg!

5* stars – Amft, puro dawg lang ang sinabi. Natuwa naman si Charice.

6.     The very nice and proper Paula Abdul to Charice Pempengco: ""Uhmm... I... Uhmm. You... Uhmmm.. Ahh.. emmm. Ahhh. Ahhh. Uhhhh.."

5* stars for the stutter and for the words unspoken. Pumapalakpak na si Charice. Yes.

7.     Simon with the last minute comment: "Good thing, I am not your father."

8.     Ryan Seacrest before the break: "So America, you heard what the judges had to say. What can you say Charice?"

5* stars again for rubbing in the pain.

9.     Charice Pempengco; Humahagulgol pa rin, walang tigil.

10.   5* stars for Simon Cowell, iba na 'yung kumakanta, ang comment kay Charice pa rin. Nabanas e. Ikaw ba naman. Nagtagalog na: "O, ngayon, iiyak-iyak ka d'yan!"

"Ond Ow Om tolling you, om nawt gowing.. Yor dow bost ma'am o've ovor knowwwwww .... naw naw naw naw woy"